My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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