:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
