similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
