its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's always time for handjobs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
