I only kidnapped one of them. chill
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
