____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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