Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
