Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
