i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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