Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
