Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
