You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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