Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
