girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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