im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
