Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize