Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
