if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
