just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
