Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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