he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
