Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
