the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
