Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just made my gag reflex go away.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
