is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
