dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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