what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
