Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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