I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize