Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
