I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
