So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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