Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
