Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my being single is dangerous.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
