at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
