I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Success! We fucked roommates!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
