i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
