Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
someone owes me an orgasm
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
