I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wish there were birth control emojis
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
