So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
