guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
