I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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