someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
two words...techno handjob
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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