i can't believe i had my finger in that
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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