i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
