filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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