hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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