garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
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