Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
