dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
