dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my poor anus
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
