i think my mom watched the whole time
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
