24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
