I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
