YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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