literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
