Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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