Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
