i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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