yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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