I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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