I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
