I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
