i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
