My friends, they love my intelligence
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
