I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
