She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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